Years ago, when she was a freshman, she had found her life to be changed drastically. Being raped and then being told she deserved it, that she dressed like a 'whore' that night, and 'did you sleep your way to MIT in the first place' was hard, and it almost destroyed her. It hadn't mattered that she had gone through hell and back. It hadn't mattered that she had to deal with the consequences of that one night and had to get a medical procedure to make sure what he had left behind was gone. All that had mattered was his rise to fame, his rise to power, and the other women that fell for him hook line and sinker. That had been why she had been his conquest after all: she had been the only one to ever tell him "no". Watching her rapist get adored and loved on, especially after he started a political rise to power, was almost worse. The abuse she endured from it, from him, only forced her to fight back, to get stronger, to make sure that no one would ever treat her like how he had, ever again. She was doing what she could to take her life back, and she started setting up boundaries. Which of course made him more angry, because he was blackmailing her into being quiet (she was a thief, and he knew, and oh, how he held it over her head). Because his career and life was always more valuable. And hers was a life he was determined to destroy.
Since her medical procedure (as she called it, because she hated thinking that she had an abortion, as the hope had been to one day be a mother), Faith made sure to get checkups regularly with her doctor, to make sure that she would be okay. That if she had ever wanted to get to that point in her life, she would be able to do so. Not that she was anywhere near ready now - that wasn't in the cards for her right now, and she knew that - but she was trying to be cautious. Take good care of herself, just as her father always wanted her to do. Make sure that she was healthy and well, and that nothing would ever take her by surprise again.
Last year, one of the blackmail visits from the new State Senator had turned into an argument. He had told her she needed to pay him more, and she refused. A physical altercation had taken place, and as she was kicked and punched repeatedly in the face and in the stomach, she couldn't help but tell herself how foolish she had been that she was meeting him somewhere without protection. After that day, she had forced him to go to her own place of work, where bouncers could watch over her and make sure things went off okay, though they'd never know the real reason. And as she recovered in the hospital from injuries he had left her, her doctor had mentioned that she needed more yearly checkups. That maybe, she'd be better off.
Doctor's orders, right? So she went, she did the checkups monthly instead of bi-monthly, and that was when they had finally decided to do the test. Months ago, back in late August 2016, she went under the process to get checked out, the incredibly invasive medical procedure to know if the future she might have wanted way down the line might be something that she'd be able to achieve. The initial appointment had been made. The process started. Each month they tested something different, and each month the result wasn't a good one. The final test had been in early December, as Faith had found a way to slip out of the office without people noticing, to do the test.
Today, on the second day of the New Year, she had the results.
She wanted it to be a happy ending. That the mistakes that happened in her past weren't going to ruin the future she had wanted since she was a little girl. Instead, she found herself sitting in the doctor's office alone and scared, because she was so determined to do this on her own that she hadn't told anyone else. She didn't want to have a child right now, five years from now, maybe. Not now. But she couldn't even attempt that, if she didn't know if it was even an option.
It turned out, that it wasn't. All of the consequences to past actions and mistakes were added factors, and medical diagnosis was the final draw. If she wanted to be a mother in the future, she could -- if she took all these pills, did all these other procedures, and she couldn't deal with it. After years of checkups, of everything, and thinking that she could make things better, and well, it seemed that luck wasn't on her side.
As the doctor told her that things could be helped, she just shook her head no, because enough was enough. She wasn't going to force herself through that. She had just gotten her life back, after all, and she was happy. This was just a thing that she might have wanted in the future.
So she headed home. She had a large glass of wine, and she sat on the couch with her cat, the animal sensing something was wrong, and Faith just kept looking at her phone. Thinking that she could tell him, but she didn't want him to get the wrong idea. That she had started this because of him, when really it was something she started long ago. And well, she didn't want him to run. Because things were good, they were really good, and she would never forgive herself for potentially ruining something that was bringing out the best in her.
She tried her best to look at all the good things she finally had, and remind herself that this was the only bad thing to happen in a long time. That things have been so good lately, that her luck had been going up, that of course the universe had to set her back slightly. Remind her where she came from, and what she had to go through.
It didn't make it suck any less though, and it didn't stop her from having a small little breakdown, just before going to bed.
But tomorrow was a new day, and it was only the second day of the New Year; and she decided right there that she wouldn't let this weigh her down. Because the best was yet to come, and she was determined to see all of it happen.
Even if that one little thing couldn't.