It hadn't been Felicia's idea, of course. It was Faith and Roy's idea, to use Felicia's mind control claws to make it so Killgrave would be stunted. By now, she knows that if Felicia had been around for the idea, she would have immediately gone against it, because from what she knows, Felicia is pretty well versed in 'men who get revenge after their power has been taken away', considering the life that she's lived. But since Felicia wasn't around, and they were so determined to fix things, that was that. One swipe of the claws, and they commanded Killgrave not to use his powers on anyone, and dammit they should have seen the loophole. But she had been so determined to help him, to make sure that things worked, because with Felicia's claws, there was no time limit. There was no '12 hours and then it wears off'. It was for as long as the claws were intact.
She should have thought things through, they both should have. But she had been foolish, playing games with the devil and knowing that he might figure it out, but she didn't care. She had been too excited with yet another successful heist, that when he appeared wearing her claws that she had claimed were missing, that she was too late to notice she was fucked. It hadn't mattered how fast and nimble she was, he swiped at her at the right time, and the world became numb.
Mind control was a funny thing. Felicia saw no bad use for it, as long as it was never used on her. She was never as vindictive with it as Killgrave was. Hell, she had even allowed herself to be controlled by him once, for only an hour, due to a bet she lost to him in Vegas. They had an even playing ground - she could control him easily, just as he could control her, and they seemed to work nicely on that. Until Faith and Roy had to mess it up, and suddenly she was now paying the price.
The feeling of doing nothing but listening to Killgrave, doing exactly what he wanted, it was the only thing she needed. He said they were going up to the roof, so up to the roof they went. He told her to step up on the ledge of her thirty-story apartment building, and so she did exactly that.
He made her wait. She remembers that now. Standing on the ledge, the cold wind hitting her in the face. The view of Boston below, and knowing fully that it didn't matter how good her luck was. She wouldn't survive this fall. She couldn't fight it. She was going to die.
Until, she was being pulled back off the ledge, thankfully falling backwards rather than forward, and it wasn't Killgrave who had pulled her back, but Roy. The mind control over her was broken, and she could finally feel all the panic that she had. Because for a moment there, she was about to die. She was once again pushed to the bring of death by another man, and god, she had gotten so sick of it. And she had lunged at him immediately, she had prepared to beat him senseless, until she looked into his eyes.
When she saw it was Roy looking back at her with remorse, and she immediately backed off.
It was always easier for her to switch between Faith and Felicia during these weeks, because weirdly enough, they were like a well oiled machine. And the difference between Faith and Felicia, between Felicia and Killgrave, was that Felicia knew who was in charge. She knew whose body she was in, and it wasn't her own. She knew Faith ran the show, and that was that. But not everyone had the same connection that she had.
Which was why she had been forced to stand up on the ledge in the first place.
It's after sitting in bed for too long that she finally gets up, and pulls a t-shirt over her form, wandering through her penthouse apartment in the dark, navigating by the shadows because it's just how she's used to working. And she's trying her hardest to get that out of her mind, that she was forced on the ledge, that she almost died due to Killgrave feeling slighted. And she's told that Roy's in control now, that he's taking back his life, that he's going to be calling the shots from now on, and she hates that she feels hesitant over that. She's going to fight as hard as hell to keep him with her, to make sure he knows he's not going through this alone, but then there's the moment where she closes her eyes and remembers being back on that ledge. Wind in her hair, shivering cold, a blank expression just waiting for his command.
But it wasn't him. It was Killgrave. And she needs to remember this. She needs to tattoo that into her memory, she has to write it down for Faith to remember once Felicia is gone. Because everything is complicated, but it doesn't mean it can't be fixed. It doesn't mean that things can't still be functional. Too many things are going right that she can't think of what her life would be like if everything had yet another wrench in it.
She ends up curling up on the couch in the living room, TV turned on low, and wrapping a blanket around herself, as she repeats a mantra in her head: everything is going to be fine. If she repeats it enough, she'll believe it.
For a brief moment, she considers using her own claws on herself, to force herself to forget the ledge, to forget what happened, to live a more blissful life, but that wouldn't be fair, and it wouldn't be right. So, she remembers the ledge. She needs to remember the ledge. She remembers the fear, but it also serves as a reminder that this isn't the first time this has happened in some form, and Felicia knows unfortunately it won't be the last. She'll land on two feet when she hypothetically falls, because she always does. Faith knows who it was, and who it wasn't, and if she's somehow, in some twisted way, helped him to get control of his life back, then well...then she's happy to help.
But she goes to sleep on the couch with the image of standing on the ledge first and foremost in her mind, and she knows she's going to have a long way to fight before anything seems normal again.